The Humming Heart

Expressing The Inexpressible


Breathe in
Hold on to it
Until each part of you feels numb
A little bit more
Until it hurts
And you can no longer
Keep it in

Breathe out
Let it go
Until every pain passes away
Leaving just an empty shell
An indistinct rattling
No one but your ears picked

The void left
Will be awkward at first
You'll get used to it little by little
I know you tried your best

"It's alright now"
Even if I tell you so
The words may sound flimsy

Each heavy breath released
How long did you lock it in?
Weighing you down
It’s amazing how you moved till now

"Everything will be fine"
Even if I tell you so
It may not sound comforting

Each sigh no matter how small
Must have torn you piece by piece
However hard I try
I fail to phantom the depth of it

"I understand"
Even if I tell you so
You may mock at its insincerity

Still I want you to know
Even if you get out of breath
I am not blaming you
Everybody makes mistakes from time to time
So don’t beat yourself too hard
Just take a moment
Breathe in, Breathe out
You can always restart

 "It's okay"
Even if I tell you so
You won’t believe me

So for now, 
I’ll just embrace you
And tell you,
“For all your hard work
My Dear self, Thank You”




Was it today or yesterday?
That I decided to forget you
Let go off our memories together
Give up on all the things we used to do

Tearing myself piece by piece
Throwing away unfinished dreams
Loosing myself step by step
Forgetting if it’s the end or the beginning


It isn’t easy to change the past
And even if you try hard
It’s never possible to erase memories
A part of me trying to let go
While the other part desperately holding on
Figuring out where my support lies
Is the question that kept haunting me

Time and time again I replay in my mind
The moments we spent together
Trying to alter things that would turn it
Into a picture perfect scene
But a story of harmony is a mere hallucination
And living with reality is not so easy


So I kept tearing myself piece by piece
Throwing away unfinished dreams
Loosing myself step by step
Forgetting if it’s the end or the beginning

Walking away from places we have been
Erasing your traces left around me
Transforming my old self apart a thousand leagues
Now my own reflection doesn’t recognize me

But even though I tried a million times
After all the hardships I went through
The one thing I couldn’t change was
The me that loves you ...




When they said love is like a fairytale
I imagined glittering stars and shimmering lights
Just like one of those street festivals
Which transports you to a different time

So how come they never spoke of the dark alleys?
The shadows that cloud your eyes
So that you may never again remember
What it felt to live under the sunlight


When they said love is a single soul inhabiting two bodies
I imagined a world without loneliness
Just like the moon enwrapped in the velvety night

So how come they never spoke of indifference?
The impenetrable distance between the hearts
Memories of alikeness turned into fraudulence
That you no longer identify the truth from all the pretense


When they said love is about sharing stories
I imagined exchanging never ending tales
story of the past, story of the present
And weaving a saga together about the future

So how come they never spoke of the silence
The unbreakable stillness in the absence of words
That speaking your mind seems to be a crime
And you surrender to ignorance just to survive


Slowly you forget the reason
Why you were so fascinated with the idea of falling in love?
All the fiction they crafted distorting your realism

So in the end who was wrong?
Was it they?
Who fabricated love’s tall tales
Or was it me?
Who found the wrong love



Look at me once
Don’t look away if your eyes meet mine
Just smile at me once
Let me treasure this moment between us forever

If you are standing at the end of my life,
If I have a chance to get closer to you
I can throw away everything & run to you

Though I extend my hand,
Even though I extend it with all my strength,
I can’t reach you…
For a moment it felt like I was getting closer
So I called you out with a fluttering heart
But there was no answer…



The days pass by so quickly
You’re always warm & shining brightly
So I wondered how you look
When you are down & gloomy
Is this curiosity a part of my greed?

Since when did you start taking over my thoughts?
I have no clue when it all began
Has it always been a part of me?
I have no solution for this fascination

And though I extend my hand,
Even though I extend it with all my strength,
I can’t reach you…
For a moment it felt like I was getting closer
So I called you out with a fluttering heart
But there was no answer



I keep waiting for you
At the same spot, at the same place
Just like how winter awaits the spring
I can endure anything
Just to be with you in the end

Though I extend my hand,
Even though I extend it with all my strength,
I can’t reach you…
I’ll never be able to
Close this gap between our worlds

I guess you'll always be
Unreachable


How am I supposed to open this door?
Explore the depths of this naive heart
Do I have to force it open?
Even If I stare at it for long
it evades my hacks & shuts down

If you can see me, hear me
Break it down for me
Don’t give up, keep knocking...
I hope you'll be the one
who sets off the defenses

Baby, I wish to find the password
Kept hidden from everyone
The long forgotten password.



A gentle touch, a kind smile
might be the decryption key
Don't panic, when you see
the cold hearted error message
just ignore, jump over it
Keep believing & you'll find a fix

If you can hold me, feel me
Recover the lost memory
Can you hear me calling?
It’s about time
Let's get rid of this lock together

Baby, I wish you to be only one
who knows the password
Kept hidden from everyone
The long forgotten password.



Look closer, into the dissembled soul
Look closer, find a loophole
Oh don’t be afraid, Try to guess the password
Oh don’t be afraid, Help me with the search

Someday, I wish...
I'll find the password
Kept hidden from everyone
The long forgotten password.


It’s fascinating
No, it’s bizarre
It might be a sickness
I feel my strength oozing
Dizzy & unsteady
I'm losing control over my body

These strange symptoms
Keep materializing
This shadow follows me
It always keeps me on the edge
Why can’t I step back from the ledge?
I'm losing control over myself



It’s suffocating,
Embrace me
Help me breathe
It’s throbbing,
The cut is too deep
The venom spreading
Heal me
Before I go crazy



It’s intriguing
No, it's creepy
I'm terrified of everything I used to love
I despise what I've become
Weak & numb
I'm losing control
This unstoppable fever cannot be calmed

These strange symptoms
Keep increasing
All my tomorrows
Being sucked into vacuum
I'm withering
Is there any sign of life left?
For I can’t hear my heart beating



It's excruciating
If I have to feel this forever,
I'd rather feel nothing at all.



It’s suffocating,
Embrace me
Help me breathe
It’s throbbing,
The cut is too deep
The venom spreading
Revive me
Before I fall into endless sleep


The days goes on and on
weary & tired
my heart filled with long sighs.
Today & tomorrow
I'll wake up once again
and live through yet another day.

Indistinguishable
mornings & nights
All I see are invariable sights.
Wakefulness & sleepiness
become an incomprehensible haze
how long will I continue to be this daze?

It changes overtime
vague hopes & bitter laughs
But no matter how much time passes
broken heart & clear scars
stays unchanged



So is this what it comes down to?
can you hear my cold cries?
I've beared it for too long
Held them back so endlessly

Even when darkness overtakes me on this long journey
Can you hold my hand & walk with me?



For one beam of light
I wished & prayed
May it shine brightly through this dark window
And if I didn't stop
hoping & believing
I presumed that someday it would come true.



So is this what it comes down to?
can you hear my cold cries?
I've beared it for too long
Held them back so endlessly

Even when darkness overtakes me on this long journey
Can you hold my hand & walk with me?

Why isn't anyone answering me?
Why do you keep hiding wordlessly?



The days goes on and on
weary & tired
my heart filled with long sighs.
Today & tomorrow
I'll wake up once again
and live through yet another day.


About this blog

The heart hums something about the ineffable. It’s trying to give you a glimpse into the enigma. You can understand it, yet you can never understand it completely. It is elusive, it escapes. It is within reach, but it is not within grasp. You are always coming closer and closer to it, but you may never arrive. Still the heart waits with hope for the day someone arrives, when the distinction between the seeker and the sought disappears!

Followers

✉ Contact Me

Name

Email *

Message *